101 SPELLS NOT WORTH MEMORIZING
originally compiled by
Bill Garrett and Nushae Siobhan Fahey
299 additions compiled by
Joel Hahn
Thanks to all who contributed: Nathan Amed, Paul Brinkley, Jay Cherry,
Jonathan Coolidge, Ian Crowther, Joe Delisle, Nushae Siobhan Fahey,
Curtis Frye, Bill Garrett, Joel Hahn, Larry Keber, John Kochmar,
Tim Larson, Jonathan Sivier, Brian Snoddy, Stefan Thieme, and many,
many others.
(More can be found by reading the Cylindrical Scrolls, printed in Dragon
Magazine a while back.)
1 Acid Trip
2 Affect Abnormal Fires
3 Affect Normal Foyers
4 Air Breathing (land-dwellers only)
5 Airshape (like Stoneshape, but with normal air)
6 Airy Air
7 Alamir's Freeway Breakdown
8 Alamir's Fundamental Theorem
9 Algorithm I-III
10 Anger God
11 Animate Bread
12 Anti-Anti-Magic Shell (Pro-Magic Shell?)
13 Anti-Magic Eggshell
14 Anti-Magic Magic Missle
15 Anti-Magic Magic Mouth
16 Antipathy Orb
17 Audible Grammar
18 Audible Hammer (of the M.C. variety)
19 Auditable Glamour
20 Augmented Chord I, ii, III, iv, V, VI, vii
21 Bad Lighting
22 Badly Programmed Illusion
23 Become Dead (reverse of Resurrect Self)
24 Bigby's Assertive Finger
25 Bigby's Clenched Teeth
26 Bigby's Critically Fumbling Hand
27 Bigby's Glove (colors the various Bigby's Hand spells, no bonus)
28 Bigby's Groping Hand
29 Bigby's Hairy-Palmed Hand
30 Bigby's Insulting Hand (the second finger is rather prominent)
31 Bigby's Limp-Wristed Hand
32 Bigby's Shadow-Animal Making Hands
33 Bigby's "Shush"ing Hand
34 Black & White Spray
35 Blind Self
36 Bold Monster
37 Bookworm Blast
38 Break-Wind Wall
39 Break the Wind
40 Bubbling Rainstorm
41 Burning Hands (Yours, ouch)
42 Can Trip (And does!)
43 Change Elf
44 Charm Dead
45 Charm Friends
46 Charm Groupie
47 Charm Potted Plants
48 Charm Self
49 Charm Undead (X rated version)
50 Cheeseball
51 Circling the Square (i.e. Times, Trafalger, Tiannemen)
52 Clause of the Lawyer
53 Clear Audience (usually follows Delayed Blast Flatulence)
54 Clone Undead
55 Clown
56 Color Safe Spray
57 Compulsive Disorder
58 Cone of Bubbles
59 Conjure Emmenthaler
60 Contact This Plane
61 Continual Bad Lighting
62 Continual Right (a political spell)
63 Control Casting Time (controls the casting time of this spell only)
64 Control Feather
65 Copyright Shroud
66 Crass Suggestion
67 Create Coat Hanger
68 Cure Animal Hide
69 Cure Light Winds
70 Cure Smoked Ham
71 Cure STD
72 Current Life
73 Cylons, 10' Radius
74 Cymbal
75 Dalamar's Whoopee Cushion (things that make you go hmmmm)
76 Darkness, 15 micron radius
77 Daylight (material components: must be cast outdoors in bright sunlight)
78 Deathwish
79 Deeppocket Lint
80 Delayed Blast Cantrip
81 Delayed Blast Flatulence
82 Delayed Blast Spitball
83 Demand Blindness
84 Demi-Shadow Puppets
85 Deny Reality
86 Detect Crying
87 Detect Dead (Yep, he's dead alright...)
88 Detect Detect Spells
89 Detect Hound
90 Detect Lightning Bolts (area: 5')
91 Detect Pervert
92 Detect Pink Bunny Rabbits
93 Detect Self (allows you to see if you are yourself)
94 Detect Strikes and Spares
95 Detect Tragic (oooh, theres a sad happening over there!)
96 Detect Unseen Butler
97 Detect Visibility (Yep, I can see that)
98 Detect Weevil
99 Detect Wind
100 Differentiate Without Error (Hey, you never know...)
101 Dimension Doorknob
102 Dispell Nonmagical Reptiles & Amphibians
103 Dispurse Self
104 Doug
105 Doug's Generic Spell
106 Drain Vaccuum
107 Draw Upon Religious Right
108 Drawmij's Court Summons
109 Drawmij's Instant Cake Mix
110 Drawmij's Instant Coffee (components: hot water and cup)
111 Drawmij's Instant Death (Drawmij's CON must be about -30 by now...)
112 Earthly Chorus
113 Enchanted Toothpick
114 Enlightening Bolt
115 Enrage Dragon
116 ESPN
117 Ethertalk
118 Evard's Black Growth (range: 0)
119 Evard's Black Testicles
120 Evard's Blue Testicles
121 Explosive Familiar (it's *your* familiar)
122 Explosive Friends
123 Extension Cord I, II, and III
124 Extinguish Match (casting time: 5 rounds)
125 Face Grasp
126 Fear of Sunmotes
127 Feather Brain
128 Feather Flail
129 Feign Life (as if the caster has one)
130 Feign Orgasm
131 Find Acquaintance
132 Find Floor (somatic component: falling on face)
133 Find Hand
134 Finger of Near-Fatal Injury
135 Finger of Plead
136 Fire Alarm
137 Fire Rap
138 Fire Stick
139 Fireball (reversed)
140 Fiscal Projection
141 Fist of Flesh
142 Fleshskin (range: self)
143 Fool's Lead
144 Foresee Unseen Butler
145 Forget Spells (area: self)
146 Forehead
147 Foreskin
148 Fourier's Transformation
149 Furball
150 Furry Fire
151 Gaze at Reflection
152 Geese
153 Get Flu
154 Get Life
155 Glassteal (swipe that beermug from that unsuspecting peasant)
156 Globe of Vulnerability
157 Grate
158 Graze reflection (if someone hurts your knee)
159 Guess Alignment
160 Hair Extension I, II, III
161 Hallucinatory Escape
162 Hallucinatory Train
163 Hand of Skin
164 Hatch Egg (somatic component: sit on egg)
165 Heal Monster (only works on opponents during combat)
166 Heel
167 Hold Bladder
168 Hold Mustard
169 Hold Self
170 Hornung's Gas
171 Hornung's Police Dispatcher
172 Housefly
173 Hug Self
174 Illusion Debugger (for Badly Programmed Illusions)
175 Illusionary Crypt
176 Iggy's Invisible Illusion
177 Illegal Thoughts (That serving wench looks older than 18)
178 Implosive Runes
179 Impress Plants
180 Improper Suggestion
181 Indirection (address register postincrement)
182 Indivisibility (The caster is a prime number)
183 Insect Plague, 5' Radius
184 Integrate (reversible, Differentiate)
185 Invisibility to Inanimate Objects
186 Invisibility to Dead
187 Invisible Talker
188 Irritate Self
189 Kender Summoning I, II, III
190 Kitchen Sink
191 Knock Knock
192 Know Own Alignment
193 Know Person (in the biblical sense of the word...)
194 Kooshball
195 Legend Bore
196 Legend Lore, Extended Dance Mix
197 Leomund's Condemned Shelter
198 Leomund's Grass Hut
199 Leomund's Mortgaged Shelter
200 Leomund's Risky Tax Shelter
201 Leomund's Secure Chest Cavity
202 Leomund's Sturdy Music Box
203 Leomund's Tap
204 Leomund's Underfunded Homeless Shelter
205 Level Water
206 Lightning Blot
207 Limited Dish (Sorry sir, the Dover Sole is off)
208 Limited Wash
209 Locate Right Hand
210 Locate Self (tells you where you are, relative to your location)
211 Locate Tongue (requires verbal component)
212 Locate Wizard (the _nearest_ wizard)
213 Lorloveim's Shady Deal
214 Lose Familiar (Get lost, ya wee booger!)
215 Lower Cholesterol Level
216 Lower Inhibitions
217 Maggot Missle
218 Magic Boomeranging Missile
219 Magic Gristle
220 Magic Jar-Jar
221 Magic Missal (A really boring prayersheet)
222 Magic Moth
223 Magic Orifice
224 Magic Shotglass (as opposed to Magic Jar)
225 Mail of the Banshee (victim gets letter saying "Waaaaaahh...")
226 Maize
227 Matrix Addition
228 Mauve Earth
229 Meld, Canasta Version
230 Melf's Acid Bow
231 Melf's Acid Trip
232 Melf's Minute Rice
233 Melodramatic Phantom Defenders
234 Memorize Spell
235 Meatier Swarm
236 Meteor Swan
237 Micrometeorite Storm
238 Mildly Surprising Grasp
239 Minor Delousing
240 Mistaken Identify
241 Mistaken Thought (Gee, guys, it _looked_ like a Gas Spore)
242 Moaning Spirit
243 Mordenkainen's Agnostic Hound
244 Mordenkainen's Aroused Hound (can't get it off of the nearest leg)
245 Mordenkainen's Big Ears (+1 to all hearing checks, ear size quadrupled)
246 Mordenkainen's Bored Cat
247 Mordenkainen's Celery
248 Mordenkainen's Conjunction (Conjunction Junction, what's your function?)
249 Mordenkainen's Faithful Mosquito
250 Mordenkainen's Freeway Junction
251 Mordenkainen's Lubrication
252 Mordenkainen's Sword, -1 Backbiter
253 Mordenkainen's Unfaithful Wife
254 Move Venus
255 Muenster Summoning I-VII
256 Murder Darkness
257 Murdoch's Featherless Fryer (Verbal component: "Butterball")
258 Murdock's Feathery Pillow
259 Nahal's Banana Peel (appears under random ally's foot)
260 No Time
261 No Vacancy
262 Nystul's Undetectible Aura
263 Otiluke's Happy Fun Sphere
264 Otiluke's Resilient Ear
265 Otiluke's Room Temperature Sphere
266 Otto's Irresistible Disco-Duck
267 Otto's Resistable Dance
268 Paraphrase Magic
269 Part Hair
270 Pastel Blade of Warm Fuzzies (9th level Drow spell)
271 Penultimate Fall
272 Phantasmal Fork
273 Phantasmal Morse
274 Phantasmal Thriller
275 Plane XOR
276 Polymorph Mother
277 Power Word Missing
278 Power Word, NO!
279 Power Word, Noogie
280 Power Word, Puke
281 Power Word, Pun
282 Power Word, Smirk
283 Power Word, Spam
284 Power Word, Wedgie
285 Protection from Catnips
286 Protection from Elvis, 10' Radius
287 Protection from Evil Knievel
288 Protection from Halitosis
289 Protection from Normal Air
290 Protection from Normal Missals
291 Protection from Normal Oxygen
292 Protection from Normal Pillows
293 Protection from Self
294 Protection from Weevil
295 Psychoanalyze Without Error (Zo, ven dit you shtop lofink your mutter?)
296 Purge Memory
297 Putrefy Offal
298 Rainbow Enhancer
299 Random Casualty
300 Rary's Mnemonic Cancer (eats away at those favorite spells)
301 Rary's Mnemonic Device (makes silly acronyms out of things)
302 Rary's Pneumonic Cough (range: self)
303 Read Common
304 Rectum of Retention
305 Reincarnation Door
306 Remove Hand (yours)
307 Remove Minus Sign (reversible)
308 Remove Nurse ("Good-Byyyeeee Nurse!")
309 Remove Reality
310 Remove Self
311 Remove Strong Language
312 Reservation
313 Rest Erection
314 Resurrect Living
315 Resurrect Self (problem: must be alive to cast the spell)
316 Reverse Graffiti
317 Rice Storm
318 Rock Summoning I
319 Sepia Cake Sigil
320 Serten's Smell Immunity
321 Sheepskin
322 Shocking Gasp (usually follows Tenser's Shocking Suggestion)
323 Silence of the Lambs, 15' radius
324 Sleep with Dead (yuck... unless you're a real Necromancer)
325 SmorgasMorph
326 Soap-on-a-Rope Trick
327 Solid Frog
328 Speak With Boring Monsters
329 Speak With Dead Plants
330 Speak With Grateful Dead
331 Speak With Living (components: two tin cans and a string)
332 Speak With Mud
333 Speak With Self
334 Sucker (for those of you who actually cast the spell)
335 Summon Allergy
336 Summon Death (Death arrives and kills the caster)
337 Summon Self
338 Swift Envelope
339 Tape Mount
340 Tasha's Controllable Mildly Unpleasant Laughter
341 Tasha's Uncontrollable Bladder
342 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Daughter (a.k.a. ST:TNG's "Sela")
343 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Die Rolls
344 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Flatulence
345 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Gesture
346 Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Hand
347 Tax Avoidance
348 Taunt a Second Time
349 Teleport Environment
350 Teleport With Lots of Errors
351 Teleport Without Destination
352 Teleport Without Terror
353 Tenser's Double-Sided, Double Density Disk
354 Tenser's Floating Point
355 Tenser's Formatted Disk
356 Tenser's Gloating Disk
357 Tenser's Shocking Suggestion (you want to WHAT??!)
358 Tenser's Slipped Disk
359 Tenser's Deadly Resurrection
360 Tensor Transformations
361 This Space for Rent (fills up space on a scroll or in a mage's memory)
362 Time Start
363 Tonguetwister Change
364 Tons
365 Transmute Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust (priest spell)
366 Transmute Friends to Enemies
367 Transmute Head to Butt
368 Transmute RGB to HSV
369 Transmute Rock to Stone (reversible)
370 Transmute Rock to Jazz
371 Trap the Sole (see Limited Dish)
372 Turn Friends Into Enemies
373 Turn Pebble (rotation, not banishment)
374 Undefined Symbol
375 Unenlightening Bolt
376 Unheard Servant
377 Unscented Cloud
378 Unseen Manservant
379 Unseen Pervert
380 Unseen Sympathy
381 Vampiric Breathing (perfect for harassing phone calls)
382 Vampiric Crutch
383 Varnish
384 Visible Stalker
385 Walk
386 Wall of Dog
387 Wall of Horse
388 Wall of Non-Dairy Creamer
389 Wall of Non-Violent Protestors
390 Wall of Normal Air
391 Wall of Paper
392 Wall of Velcro
393 Waste
394 Wink
395 Wizard Eyebrow
396 Wizard Lick
397 Wizard Nostril
398 Wizard Stain
399 You Wish!
400 ZX-Spectral Force
Return to Aardy's RPG page.